i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
