Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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