so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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