um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
