I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
my liver is dry heaving
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
