Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
