The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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