Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
