"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
