omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
