god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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