he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize