why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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