do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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