Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
