I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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