I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
