Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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