this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
home. puking in laundry basket.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
