Welp...herpes.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She told me I should be a condom model.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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