I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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