Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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