her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
