so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
