so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
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You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
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My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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