take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
