She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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