After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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