oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
