I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
