i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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