And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
two words: eviction party
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
