I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
