Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
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In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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