So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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