The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
