Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So many bounce houses so little time
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
