I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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