If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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