i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize