So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
