I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
