i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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