NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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