O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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