Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's shark week go big or go home
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
