U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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