Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
