Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
