You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
