Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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