Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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