i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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