just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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