apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
