i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
