ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
