i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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