I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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