If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
