Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm always down for nudity.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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