I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
