I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
