just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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