Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
