so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
