totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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