You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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