I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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