just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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