You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
