she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
