So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
