I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
